Mollington Golf Club News: Mollington Player Profile
Mollington has been a place regarded as one for the toffs and well-off. Though we cannot deny our elitist status, some do manage to slip through the cracks of our profile checks and one lucky member managed to cling on to their membership through great fortune and luck that allows him to remain part of the Mollington Golf Club.
Here in this new article, we interview John Partridge, though this is his former name. After willing a huge jackpot through gambling on an online casino, the once former John Partridge now goes by the self-titled name of Lord Dalston Cheese Cracker the IV.
We sit down with Lord Dalston Cheese Cracker the IV and discuss his life, his experiences, golfing and why he has a passion for crackers that are a cheese snack supplement.
Interviewer: “Hello Lord Dalston Cheese Cracker the IV, would you like for me to address you by your full title or do your friends have a shortened name for you?”
Lord Dalston Cheese Cracker the IV: “Hello. Well, those I’m on a first-name basis with call me Lord. My closer acquaintances beyond this call me Dalston and my closest friends and family members call me Cheesy. As I’m unaware of who you actually are, Lord Dalston Cheese Cracker the IV would be sufficient when addressing me.”
Interviewer: “Indeed. So, you’ve been a member of the golf club for 5-years now. Tell us why you chose Mollington and how you got into golf.”
Lord Dalston Cheese Cracker the IV: “Mollington was the closest course to my home and there was a hole in the fence by the 15th hole, so I took the opportunity to sneak in an pay a few rounds before I managed to raise suspicion.”
Interviewer: “Raise suspicion? How so if you sneaked on to the course?”
Lord Dalston Cheese Cracker the IV: “I would dress in a full-size chicken costume.”
Interviewer: “Your actions were soon discovered by the club, were they not? After some members reported a 6ft chicken on the golf course. What happened that day?”
Lord Dalston Cheese Cracker the IV: “Yes, I was teeing up on the 9th, when I heard shouting. I realized at that moment my ingenious plan had been rumbled. My instincts told me, rather than run, which isn’t easy in a chicken costume, that I should pretend to lay eggs.
With my golf balls in-hand inside of my costume ready, I pretended I was, in fact, a 6ft chicken. With well-rehearsed clucking, I mimicked the bird as the golf members came closer. I then pretended to lay eggs, which were, in fact, the golf balls hidden in my costume.
After 10 minutes of puzzled stares unto my person, one of the members realized that chickens do not lay Slazenger golf balls and shouted that’s not a real chicken! Upon hearing this and with a loud BAA-GAAARKK sound, I ran away!”
Interviewer: “My understanding is, that you where banned from the golf course, but 5 months later you were given full membership. How was this possible.”
Lord Dalston Cheese Cracker the IV: “Well David, your name is David right?”
Lord Dalston Cheese Cracker the IV: “Well David, in the 5 months that passed I took up online gambling. I registered with 5 online casinos and played various games like poker and blackjack. I had much joy on the roulette table and it was a very thrilling experience.”
Interviewer: “Rumour has it you won a fortune.”
Lord Dalston Cheese Cracker the IV: “Yes, I was playing one of these slot machines at https://www.onlinecasinoza.co.za and though it wasn’t the highest jackpot prize, I did scoop a pretty penny. Once I had won, I came to the club the next day and spoke with the manager. Once he saw I was of wealth and now carried a high degree of pomposity, I was welcomed as a member of the Mollington Golf Club.“
Interviewer: “Incredible, so if it had not been for some compulsive urge to bet online and play those slot machines, you have not been able to be a member of the golf club.”
Lord Dalston Cheese Cracker the IV: “That’s pretty much what I’ve just said.”
Interviewer: “Before we leave, why the name Lord Dalston Cheese Cracker the IV.”
Lord Dalston Cheese Cracker the IV: “I’m afraid, that is far too personal.”
Interviewer: “Lord Dalston Cheese Cracker the IV, Thank you for your time.”
Lord Dalston Cheese Cracker the IV: “Thank you David.”